This post led to some exchanges between Holy Cow and "Thee", and Holy Cow and Scoop.
Allow me to share some points of consideration.
'Thee', being an aficionado of elegance, and somewhat of a connoisseur of poetry and prose, thought that the last line was too long. It was suggested to change it
from
"Once upon a Rose
There sat a little bee
Then it flew away
And that ended their story"
to
"Once upon a Rose
There sat a little bee
Then it flew away,
Thus ending their story"
While agreeing that it was more elegant in its rhyme than the original one, I preferred the first one.
Let me tell you why.
One reason I liked the poem, was because of its similarity to Khayyam/Fitzgerald's verse from the Rubaiyat. The verse in question is
"There was a door to which I found no key
There was a veil past which I could not see
A little talk a while of thee and me there was
And then, no more of me and thee"
I love this verse. It is so simple in all its existential truth and glory. It doesn't connote a causality of there being no more of "Me and thee" because either one of them left the other.
Similarly, the old version of the poem doesn't suggest causality while the newer version does. It suggests that the reason for the story's end was the departure of the bee.
Scoop read the post, and said she liked it a lot. I told her what had ensued between 'Thee' and me and she tended to like the newer version more. Her reason? She said she understood what I meant but she liked the sadness in the newer version.
Let it now be stated clearly that the Holy Cow also likes the newer version in its own right, when considered independently.
However, changing the old to the new would necessitate dissociating it from the Rubaiyat, or my interpretation of that verse from the Rubaiyat, which I did not wish to do at any cost.
P.S. You know what I could accept though?
"Once upon a Rose
There sat a little bee
Then it flew away
Thus ended their story"
Okay. I will add this bit as an edit to the previous post.
P.P.S -
Scoop- "My thee" is .....?
Holy Cow- Yeah. Since Khayyam says, "Me and thee"
Scoop- I figured
Holy Cow- Even though I absolutely hated using the possessive adjective "My" for "Thee"
Scoop- I know. I am actually quite surprised you said "My". That's the first thing I noticed!
Holy Cow has problems with the use of possessive indicators of any kind with relationships of choice. Use of words like "He is mine" or "She is mine" don't go down well with the Holy Cow. She doesn't think anyone is anyone's.
