A perfect 180

20:16 - I stare out the window at a brick building. It isn't very tall. As my eyes trace its length to the the top and stop, I have an instant image of myself falling off it. In poetic, slow motion. I land with a "splat!" on the concrete. There is a splatter of blood as my head hits the hardness with a crunch. I smile. Then I conclude I am fucking crazy.

The predominant feeling is one of despair, and being trapped.

20:50 - I am tucked in bed under a duvet, wearing pajamas, drinking delicious white wine, and watching football while cradling sleepy loveliness in my free arm. Despite the fact that I know there is work to be done once the match is over, the predominant feeling is light, and of things being just right.

These two are parallel universes within which I exist. Usually, I forget the latter while in the former, but am unable to do vice-versa. Maybe when I reach vice-versa, the former will implode.

Art, literature and a little metaphysics

"The pure present is nothing but the ungraspable advance of the past devouring the future.

Every sensation is already a memory"

- Murakami Haruki

What is it, really, that you wish to achieve?

Couple of years ago, I attended a talk in New Delhi on restoration of the Red Fort. While I do not have any particular interest in the architecture of the Red Fort, and I knew the talk was organised and delivered mostly by architects, I was drawn to because the evening was to include a reading by William Dalrymple. I sped to the venue after work and got the best seat in the house.

I didn't have any expectations about how it would go. I thought they would make a case for restoration by relying on romantic metaphors and poetic versions of the history around el Fuerte Rojo. So it's fair to say I was surprised when the architects presented information about the Red Fort using slides with scientific diagrams and such. Blueprints, formulae, and so on. Physics, something I deliberately minimised contact with for majority of my school years, was the last thing I had expected to encounter.

I couldn't at all relate to what they were saying, even though I am wholly in favour of protecting monuments. That's because every ounce of the Red Fort's charm for me lies not in the red bricks or the dimensions of its arches and corridors, but rather in the life associated with it.

By the time they finished, I was craving to hear Dalrymple. He read from The Last Mughal. He read with passion and spiritedness, passages about how Ghalib felt about mangoes and how evenings in Chandni Chowk were steeped the fragrance of ittar, smoke from hookahs, and the intoxication of wine, as Ghalib and Zauq, under a canopy formed by the appreciation of listeners, contested for the position of 'poet of note'. His readings were evocative and powerful enough to ship me off on the sea of imagination to a time when the Red Fort was still alive. Not once did he resort to trigonometry, geometry or other mathematical devices to illustrate the significance of the structure in question.

I was surprised at their having chosen Dalrymple to aid them in their task, since he was alluding to something they hadn't even managed to get a whiff of. They were suggesting the Red Fort should be cared for because of the building's architectural genius. Whereas for Dalrymple, the Red Fort was of importance because it served as a backdrop for the lives that were lived both within and around it.

I find restoration itself to be a ticklish subject. Two questions seem pertinent- restoration for whom, and to what extent? If one wishes future generations to also be able to take pleasure from fragments of the past, it is a noble enough idea. Preservation is aimed at accomplishing just that. Restoration goes many steps further. While I disapprove of defacing monuments and approve of efforts to preserve them as they are, I am uncomfortable with the use of cement and paint to patch up cracks in buildings that have been around for centuries. I was mortified, for example, when I walked into Lodhi Gardens one evening to find that they had done up one of the structures in some ugly pink paint that they had hoped would resemble sandstone. I think cracks add character to old buildings. Every chunk that chips off due to the natural passage of time, adds greater depth to the history of the structure. Efforts aimed at restoration smack of an attempt to deny the passage of time. "Back to the way it was before" is an impossible position. Even if one managed to restore the Red Fort to its exact state at the time of the Mughal empire, the essence of that time would still remain lost. You may recreate a structure exactly as it was, and you may stand back with pride, only to realise that the thing out there is nothing like the thing within.

Loss itself is not a negative. Indeed it is one of the certainties of human existence. I personally regard it as a friend, a constant companion. But rather than resign ourselves to the void it leaves behind, might we look at the value it adds to our lives?

We nostalgically reflect only on that which has been lost. And the very thing being reflected on is changed by the act of reflection, for what is viewed through the lens of memory is not the thing in itself, but a representation of the thing. The picture that Dalrymple presents for example, of people chatting on the steps of the Jama Masjid at dusk, is made richer first by his own imagination of it, and then by the imagination of each reader who reads it. None of these people were actually there, yet each has a unique image of what it must have been like. Should we not just let these multiple imaginations prevail? Should we not let time go by and allow our memories to alter the impressions of the past?

So lovely is the recreation by memory of a lost beloved that I confess to harbouring a wish that I were the one lost. Just so that I too may be the subject of fond remembrance, for a moment or two.

Every time two of my many great loves meet, I skip a heartbeat!

Keh do in hasraton se kahin aur jaa basen

Itni jagah kahan hai dil-e-daagdaar mein

Song: Lagta nahin hai jee mera

Lyrics: Bahadur Shah Zafar (allegedly)

Singer: Habib Wali Mohammad

Dil khaakh ho gaya yeh kisi ko khabar nahi

Sab yeh samajh rahe hain tamanna nikal gayi

Song: Duniya badal gayi

Lyrics: Shakeel Badayuni

Singers: Shamshad Begum and Talat Mahmood

I love locating, in Urdu/ Hindi poetry, psychoanalytically informed descriptions of a variety of human conditions.

The above mentioned are examples of what Bowlby and others would call "Avoidant Attachments"

Sigh.

Someone asked me few years ago if I "only listened to the world's most sad songs". I said I found more beauty in sad songs.

Isn't it wonderful when the expression of sadness is as lovely as this?

Oh this grey country !

It is 10:00 AM and all the curtains are open. Yet, I am having to sit under glowing, yellow, artificial light.

¡Qué ridículo!

Nasha hai sab pe, magar rang nashe ka hai judaa

Late one evening, I set out in search of fresh air and freedom when the last hue of daylight was turning into a very deep dark blue. This new city I must now make mine offered a variety of sights and sounds. Much too lively compared to what I am used to on a Sunday evening.

Looking to remain an innocent bystander (or walker) I was broken out of my reverie when a couple in their thirties approached me to ask a question. I remove my earphones, and they ask "Do you know where ***** is?" I must have appeared confused, as the woman found it necessary to explain further "It's a nightclub". "No idea at all, sorry" I reply and carry on.

What was stranger than the fact that they thought a bespectacled young woman wearing way too many clothes in comparison with the norm of the evening, listening to music and carrying a large non stylish bag would know where a nightclub is located, was the realisation that two outsiders were asking me where anything was in this town.

The usual throngs of minimally clothed women braving the cold for the sake of a few appreciative (also read "leering") glances (or free drinks) were to be seen everywhere. One in particular drew some wolf whistles. Viewed from behind, she appeared to be wearing nothing but a skirt. It was actually a dress crafted so imaginatively as if someone had stitched it together using her contours as guidelines. I was walking close to her and instinctively stepped aside, as if distancing myself further from that openly masculine appreciation of her physical form, thinking it best to let praise directed towards her be unblemished by my comparatively non-sexy appearance.

Kishore Kumar sings into my ears...

Kisi pe husn ka ghuroor jawani ka nasha...

A couple share an embrace and a kiss at a tram station. A young man playfully picks his girlfriend in his arms and threatens to throw her into a pool of water. She squeals with delight disguised as protest.

Kisi ke dil pe mohabbat ki rawani ka nasha...

As I walk on past a man struggling to walk straight, I run into a group of girls. One of them, obviously very drunk, shouts to me in a voice made shriller by alcohol "Hi-yaaa". I give her a wry alright-then-you-got-that-out-of-your-system smile and carry on.

Kahin suroor hai khushiyon ka, kahin gham ka nasha...

Even as my mind is bemused and filled with all this drunken revelry, there are more sober encounters ahead of me.

Like families and couples having intimate meals at quiet restaurants.

I enter a store and catch sight of a young south Asian man. Boy, rather, who looks perplexed as he contemplates two different types of ready made salads and eventually chooses one (appearing to do so more out of a realisation that he must hurry up, than a preference for it). I feel a strange sadness as I see him, cannot understand it and admonish myself for feeling that way.

An elderly couple hold hands as they cross a traffic light. They stick out like sore thumbs amidst all the youthful intoxicated laughter and chatter. I see a young woman carrying a suitcase, probably returning from the train station and find in her the closest resemblance to myself. She too has a determined stride, wears glasses and is covered from head to toe.

I want to keep walking, taking in all this diversity of experience and life. At the thought of being alone in this crowd I smile and feel an elated calmness.

I nod my head as if agreeing with Kishore Kumar.

Nashe mein kaun nahi hai, mujhe batao zara?

Nasha hai sab pe, magar rang nashe ka hai judaa.

Of poetry, love and keeping the fantasy alive

There are two songs with some similar lines. Both songs are beautiful and can be easily related to by anyone who has loved or lost, or both.

The songs I speak of are Mujhse Pehli Si Mohabbat Mere Mehboob Na Maang by Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Khayal Aata Hai by Sahir Ludhianvi.

The first song has the line

“Tu jo mil jaaye toh taqdeer nigun ho jaaye
Yun na tha maine faqat chaha tha yun ho jaaye”

(Were I to have you, my destiny would not matter.
This was not the way it was, but only how I desired it to be)

The second, by Sahir Ludhianvi, ends with

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Ki jaise tu mujhe chahegi umr bhar yun hi
Uthegi meri taraf pyaar ki nazar yun hi
Main jaanta hoon ki tu ghair hai magar yun hi

(Once in a while, a fleeting thought settles upon my mind
That you will want me forever
And your eyes will always find me through the lenses of love
I know you are not mine, but nonetheless
Once in a while…)

I think both songs are brilliant and I am a fan both of both the poets, and relate to both songs equally. But as far as these two parts of these songs are concerned, I favour the second more than the first.

Let me tell you why.

One starts with a fantasy and then crashes it against the wall of reality. The other recognizes the constraints of reality but is belligerent enough to reiterate the fantasy that exists nonetheless, and almost enjoys it.

Playing, in children and in adults through imagination and fantasy, is an integral part of the experience of an unburdened sense of existing. A child who cannot play, adults who cannot dream or be spontaneous have lost parts of themselves that allow them to be free without being afraid.

The capacity to be surprised also shuts down when one has had to abandon fantasy and playing too soon to the demands of harsh reality. Being surprised means not knowing and not being in control, which creates a vulnerability that causes anxiety. The titles of both songs are significant if one thinks of them in light of the above. One says it can no longer be the way it used to once in a while, while the other wonders and allows itself to be carried with that wonder.

Sahir’s lyrics have two qualities of good psychotherapy (I refer to the psychoanalytic or depth psychological approaches). It has the capacity to surprise, for when I heard the song for the first time I was caught by surprise both at the point where he dips into the level of reality after giving a glimpse of what the mind has fantasized, as well as when he rises again from reality back to fantasy with the very last ‘I know…. But..”. A second quality it has is of giving something to keep the listener going, by not putting an end to his fantasy-ing and imagination. To go on being. What philosophers and others have called Eros.

Keeping the fantasy alive is important for one to feel “alive” in the true sense of being. Life is not about going towards something. It is about the here and now. The chase is more important than the capture. The capture brings about an end to the game. What do you do then?

The entire meaning of a wide range of emotions and their whole worth comes from your experience of them. Love, for instance. The maximum you can derive out of that emotion is to be in love, to feel it from the depths of your being. Not to feel it towards a certain object alone but rather to experience it within yourself. Being with the one you love is an advantage, but doesn’t, or shouldn’t change your experience of it in any way, because it became a complete emotion the moment you began to feel it.

It need not “have” the other in order to attain a greater or more evolved state.

Love is an experience inside your own being that leads you to find things outside of you to give it an outlet or an organized form. You may like someone or admire them because of their qualities, but you love them only if you have opened yourself up to feeling love in general in the first place.

But the beautiful thing is, the moment you are able to do this you feel like you have reached the pinnacle of what is pleasurable and makes life worth living.

Poets in their wonderful double entendres and their prose have captured the essence of life and love like no one else has.

Ghalib, (insert “Sigh” here) once wrote

“Tere vaade par jiye hum
to yeh jaan jhoot jaana
ki khushi se mar na jaate
agar aitbaar hota ? "

(To say that I live because of your promise to me

Would make this life of mine a lie.

For would I not have died of sheer joy

Had I trusted it to be sincere?)

Apart from the surface level meaning of the inability to trust the love of a beloved, I think what he is also trying to get at is the essence – the juissance- of life which is in the journey between wanting and having. We live in a valley of desire and longing, and to attain all that we want would be equivalent to ceasing to live.

Like delaying an orgasm indefinitely

So that the heightened arousal, which in itself is pleasing, doesn’t come to an immediate end.

Maine poocha chand se

A strangely lovely thing about Srinagar was that the moon always seemed larger there. I don't know why or how. Every night while going for a stroll I would look up, shake my head and ask whoever I was walking next to- How is it that the moon is so much brighter and bigger here than in Delhi?

The only answers I ever got involved either an amused laughter at my question, or a shy smile.

On second thought, maybe that was enough of an answer after all.

In Kashmir, this too happens once in a while

The golden sun, feeling just a little dry
Rolled down the mountain,
And slid into the cool water of the lake
Watched by a lone bird in flight
That bemusedly drew circles in sky

Multi-isms of my motherland

"India also has philosophical and aesthetic traditions that are truly majestic in their scope and depth. These range from Vedanta's unifying existentialism to Ghalib's playful symbolism, from Bhagavad Gita's enlightened pragmatism to Gandhi's unflinching pacifism, from Khajuraho's informed hedonism to Kathakali's narrative corporealism, from Buddha's contemplative realism to Tagore's spiritual lyricism, from Nanak's divine eclecticism to Nehru's sophesticated secularism, and from Kabir's poetic mysticism to Rushdie's sardonic surrealism"

- Dr. Salman Akhtar,

Gifted writer and poet, exceptional orator.

Also, a psychoanalyst and psychiatrist.

in 'Freud Along the Ganges- Psychoanalytic Reflections on the People and Culture of India'

One afternoon, with five mainas and a little awe

I sit here on my bed next to the window. It is cloudy, and feels like it has just rained though it hasn’t. There is a silence that is only enhanced by the distant crowing of the crow far away.

Suddenly, the silence is broken by the frenzied chirping of three little maina babies that reside, safe from prying eyes and claws, inside the shoebox-nest that my mother and I made for them. Their mother has returned, with something to eat. She squeezes into the nest- it’s small, and there’s three of them in there after all, along with twigs and leaves and yes, even a peacock feather. The chirping becomes more frenzied and louder as they all reach upwards towards her beak. They stretch their little bodies as much as biology would allow them to, their mouths open revealing a triangle of yellow. When I see them I am reminded of how, as a child, pictures of open-mouthed baby birds used to remind me of samosas because of their yellow colour and triangular shape. It makes me smile now, as it must have then.

Their father still visits. This is the most amazing part. And the female maina still comes out of the nest to let him go in and have a peep at his little ones.

Now they have both flown away, leaving the babies in the nest. It is quiet again, as the babies know they can’t make too much noise, as it might be dangerous.

Who taught them that?

Who knows? Who can tell?

Realisation dawns in the form of leopard play

I saw a leaopard cub playing with it's mother's tail lazily while lying on the branch of a tree.

It pushed and pulled it this way and that, and every time it tried to keep the tail down it would rise up again.

I saw that, smiled with my entire being, and said to my mother

"When I see this, I know why I am alive and what is the meaning of my life"

Those who are confused, it might help to see this.

The lovers behold your limitless beauty, where a thousand idols fade away

Guftam elaaj e zindagi
Gufta ki deedar e manast*

"And what cures life of all it's ills?"
"To behold my beauty," He said**

* Hazrat Amir Khausrau

**(Translation by Muzaffar Ali)

The Maina Series- The Fifth and Final Part

See parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Some anecdotes not captured photographically.

Throughout the time they were around, I did not need alarm clocks as they would create a racket with the million different types of sounds that mainas make. They also caused me to sometimes wake up and smile, without even opening my eyes. Just the knowledge that they were around made the whole world better.

The building is quite a tedious process. They actually do jodo-ofy the house, tinka-tinka ikattha kar ke ( putting it together stick by stick). During this process, the female maina I think, is in the driver's seat. She would be present constantly, like a supervisor. Her partner would bring a stick, look at her and bob his head a little as if seeking approval. She would then make a "trrr" type sound after which he would make his way into the shoe-box to fit it in somewhere. It was real teamwork. And also extremely cute.

Once the eggs had hatched, the male didn't just fly off to find another mate. He stuck around, and often came and stood just outside the shoe box calling to his female. She would then come out, and let him go in to see the eggs he had helped make. Most lovely.

Mainas who choose to come and live near me, are bound to get five star treatment. They were given fresh water in a small clay diya every morning, and spoilt senselessly with various delicacies ranging from light and not very sweet Marie biscuits, to coconut cookies, to butter cookies, to chocolate cream filled cookies. Also, they didn't seem too impressed with me when I gave them brown bread. Who would be, after all this?

They also managed to, a number of times, tilt the diya over causing all the water to fall all over the cookie crumbs making a sick little mess on the ledge of the window. And yes, I scolded them a little for the same. Not the first time, not the second time, but the third.

All the eggs did not hatch. Only one did. There was some noise and squeaking for some days after which there was silence. One fine day, they were all gone.

The shoe-box remained though.

And we are most delighted to share that it is now home to another maina couple, and three fine little pearly white eggs.

PS- Turns out it didn't end there. Story continues here

The Maina Series- Part 4

For part 3, go here


The house was finally deemed fit enough to re-build this...

to house these....

Part 5 here

The Maina Series- Part 3

For part 2, go here

After the storm in 2, Holy Cow felt bad for the destroyed home, and built a shoe-box home with her equally animal crazy mother and some strings.

As the pictures show, the home was duly checked out for holes in the plumbing etc. ....



by both the mainas jointly...

This last one reminded me of "Yeh tera ghar yeh mera ghar"

Part 4 here

The Maina Series- Part 2

For Part 1, go here

That was followed by this

Part 3 here

The Maina Series - Part 1

First, there was this

Part 2 here

Once in a while, there comes along a Fwd that is more than just trash.

Someone forwarded me a long list of crazy "things-to-do-when-you-are-bored". Some are more like general tips on good living. I liked. I also appreciate the thought that went into coming up with them in the first place. Don't know who did though. Whoever! If you are reading this, let it be known that a good time was had because of you and that your mind has been of good use to someone else. Congratulations for that!

Now, not only were some of them awfully American and totally not applicable to India or Indians, some were actually quite offensive to animals (For e.g. there was one that suggested "throwing your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet" or "shave your cat") and those have been removed from the list below.

So yes, read and enjoy and take down these Vishesh Tippanis.

I have taken the liberty of minor changes to some and have of course, given my own experiences with the VTs or thoughts on the same.

Presenting: What-to-do-when-you-are-bored-or-what-to-refer-to-when-you-need- a-little-direction-in-life

• Sharpen your teeth
  


• Play Houdini (I would love to. Under supervision and with the paramedics waiting of course. Houdini has always enraptured my mind)
  

• Clean and polish your belly button
  

• Water your dog...see if he grows (Okay, I didnt think this was offensive)
  


• Wash a tree (Gladly. Have washed a plant before)
  


• Knight yourself (Done that in my mind a few times)
  


• Give your cat a mohawk (Don't have one. But I imagine this might be fun if the cat doesnt scratch your eyes right out while you are in the process of styling its hair)
  


• Purr (Done this before. It is thoroughly enjoyable)
  


• Whine (Who doesn't?)
  


• Listen to a painting
  


• Play with matches (Done this. I wish matchsticks were longer. Maybe I should add, "Invent long matchsticks" to this list. Consider it added)
  


• Read Homer in the original Greek
  

• Change your mind

• Change it back


• Learn Greek (Alrighty!)
  


• Watch the sun...see if it moves (Check. Buy special glasses first)
  


• Stand on your head (I have a weird head problem which makes my head hurt if I am upside down for long. So this might not be fun for me. But others are most welcome to try)
  

• Stand on someone else's head (Believe it or not, have done this before. Again, enjoyable but kinda difficult to retain balance. Hold a wall while at it, is my suggestion)
  


• Build a pyramid (Next: climb it)
  

• See how long you can stay awake (This is only possible if I do many of the other things on the list)
  


• See how long you can sleep
  


• Speak with a forked tongue (I couldn;t really imagine this, but I think this has potential for fun-ness)
  

• Have a proton fight ( *Grin. Reminded of Calvin and Hobbes)
  


• Quiver (Ooh, what fun!)
  


• Learn to type...with your toes (This is seriously on the agenda)
  


• Be someone special (Err...blah)
  


• Go back to square one (I seem to find myself here all the time, causing me to wonder whether there ever is anything beyond it)
  


• Memorize a series of random numbers (I bet this is invented by Ebbinghaus' grandson)

• Learn Sanskrit (Sob sob. I shall. I promise! I even bought myself a "Teach yourself Sanskrit" book two years ago. Aham Gacchami)
  


• Exist...existentially, of course (Favourite thing to do. Or something I always aspire to do)
  


• Take a picture (Done. Sigh etc. Wish I could do it more often)
  


• Sandpaper a mushroom (He he. I don't like mushrooms. So this sounds promising as a potential outlet for latent aggression)
  


• Put it back (Mutters to self)
  


• Run for Pope (First, run after. Second, run over. And then run for- :-P)
  


• Count to a million...fast (See, this seems do-able. But doesn't excite me as such. Why I left it on? Who knows?)
  


• Make a schematic drawing...of a rock (I am sure I have done this in the past)
  

• Commit seppuku...with a paper knife (I recently bought a blunt switchblade that has cost my friends some of their sanity as I keep going on about what I can do with it and where I can use it. This may be the beginning and the end)
  


• Think shallow thoughts (Haven't I shared my profound insight about how I think shallow is the real deep? That needs an entire post altogether)
  


• Sleep on a bed of nails (Yes. I have always been inspired by Bhishma)
  


• Boil ice cream (This made me make a face similar to --> :-^ but worth doing once)
  


• DON'T toss and turn (I like this. It proves that the thinker-upper of these things to do really wanted to prevent this uncomfortable behaviour that people engage in when bored)
  


• Run around in squares (Would it still be called running "around" if one does it in squares?)
  


• Think of quadruple entendres (Hmmmm....*scratches chin thoughtfully)
  


• Speak in acronyms
  


• Have your pillow X-rayed (Err...okay but only if you promise I won't be arrested for the 3 kgs of Cocaine they will find there)
  


• Drink straight shots...of water (I am a water fan. Drink about 16 ltrs a day. Haven't tried this ever. Have had shots of orange juice though. And had Fanta with a spoon. Both were enjoyable activities)
  


• Calmly have a nervous breakdown (Love this one. I am sure I have done this)
  


• Give your goldfish a perm (I don't have a goldfish. But again, sounds like a plan!)
  


• Exorcise a ghost ( *grin)
  


• Be bluem (Done that)
  


• Be red (Never felt red)
  


• But don't be orange (Dont think I will be)
  


• Paint stripes on a lake (On the agenda for sure. First thought that came to mind- Dal Lake. Second thought- stripes wont go with the triangular mountains surounding it)
  


• Sleep in freefall (I will probably be too busy dying)
  


• Test thin ice...with a pogo stick ( :-) )
  


• Do a good job (I didn't know if this means, with the above recommendation or in general. I like it if it means the former)
  


• Crawl (Done this. Fun.)
  


• Watch a watch until it stops (Real 'time killer')
  


• Flash your goldfish (Oh the poor thing! But I laughed when I read it so left it on)
  


• Paint (Done that. Even with fingers. Painted a star on a friend's wall once, and she said it looked like it had flown in and slammed against the wall and gone "Splat!". I took as a compliment. My star had a personality)
  


• Smile ( :-) )
  


• Paint a smile (I hope they mean draw and not paint paint)
  

• Kick a fire hydrant
  


• Pretend you're blind


• Apologize to it (This was sweet)
  


• Plant a shoe


• Sweat (Yes. You will not be out of line to say "Why the hell?!. But think about it. It may have something that you are missing)
  


• Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil ( *grin)
  


• Turn (This I like because I think it is random-est of them all)
  


• Take your sofa for a walk (I imagine doing this. Without a leash though)
  


• Write a letter to Plato ( Thumbs up)
  


• Mail it (Shall I send it by registered post where he has to sign for it?)
  


• Play the piano...with mittens on (I have always wanted to. Play the piano that is)
  


• Contemplate a cockroach (Again, surprisingly I have done this)
  


• Get a dog to chase your car (I didn't like this one)
  


• Let him catch it (Until I read this)
  


• Form a political party (A friend told me to once, in all seriousness. At the time, all I could come up with was the "All India Non Religious Party of Liberal Humanism")


• Climb a sidewalk (To give a bhaashan - speech)
  


• Have a political party


• Sharpen a carrot (This I thought was very innovative)
  


• Interrogate a gerbil (Now, one would think the inventor had it in for gerbils in a big way)
  


• Annoy yourself (Don't think I can. But I can kill several hours trying to!)
  


• Get mad at yourself (Umm...)
  


• Stop speaking to yourself (NO!!!)
  


• Be a side effect (Love this one!)
  


• Be someone simple (I would be someone complexly simple or simply complex)
  


• Scheme
  


• Sit (Done this)
  


• Stay (Starting to feel like a dog being trained)
  


• Roll over (Hey! There better be a treat at the end of all this!)
  


• Wriggle (Done this)
  


• Play dead (Done this)
  


• Donate your brother's body to science ( * Evil Grin. Can I be the scientist too?)
  


• Find a witch (Ooh, don't forget to pick her brains clean and take notes. Detailed!)
  


• Regress (Done this)
  


• Sleepwalk without sleeping (Done this, I think)
  


• Jump back (Done this. Also, this is definitely more fun than jumping forward)
  


• Play to lose (Done this. Usually while arm-wrestling with kids)
  


• Read a tomato (What fun! I will snack on a cut up book while doing so)
  


• Sharpen your sleeping skills (Have been, in recent times)
  


• Interview a cloud (Big thumbs up)
  


• Put out a fire
  


• If you can't find a fire, make one (This is more fun than the putting out part)
  


• Crumple (This is immensely satisfying)
  


• Translate Shakespeare into English (I like the sentiment here)
  


• Cheer up a potato (Ah! This sounds like a great plan and is worthy of inclusion in the list twice by virtue of being a pass time, as well as a life's little instruction type thing because of its prosocial hues)
  


• Do aerobic exercises...in your head (Done this)
  


• Build a house with ice cubes (This also reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes)
  


• Change your name...daily (Good. I have always wondered how parents can zero in on one name for their kids)
  


• Wonder (Do this. A lot)
  


• Be a square root (Hmm....of?)
  


• Ask stupid questions (As above?)
  


• Spew
  


• Be a monk...for a day (Yes. Definitely worth engaging in)
  

• Staple (I like stapling)
  


• Run away (Oh, what wouldn't I give to..)
  


• Intimidate a piece of chalk ( :-) )
  


• Abuse the plumbing (Done this)
  


• Create random equations
  


• Tell your feet a joke (I am not a good joke teller. But I will ask my feet to tell me one)
  


• Throw a tomato into a fan (Can you imagine the amount of fun this could be?!)
  


• Pretend you're a dog (Have done so. Several times. In fact, have done so in this post itself by now)
  


• Dial-a-prayer and argue with it (Gladly!)
  


• Relive fond memories (I Do)
  


• Gargle (I Do)
  


• Count your teeth with your tongue (Have started, but lose track half way. Must complete)
  


• Decay (I Am)
  


• Build a house out of toothpicks
  


• Howl (Do. Silently)
  


• Wear a lampshade on your head (I can see myself doing this, having perfected the art of wearing a tea-cosy on my head when I was a child)
  


• Memorize the dictionary (Aspire to. Dictionary of several languages)
  


• Make yourself a pair of wings (I would use chiffon dupattas)
  


• Be immobile (Done this)
  


• Dance 'til you drop (Done this)
  


• Moo ( :-P Done this)
  


• Bounce a potato (Can try!)
  


• Out maneuver your shadow (I mean, what a brilliant idea! Really, hats off to the thinker-upper again! Have tried this btw! Great great fun!)
  


• Climb the walls (Have half done this)
  

• Appreciate everything (Cant)
  


• Challenge yourself to a duel (Have imagined this several times. In a black vs. white body-suit)
  


• Let the best man win (Woman, you mean)
  


• Hold an ice cube as long as possible (Have done this. It stings, but it's fun)
  


• Adopt strange mannerisms (Already have)
  


• Blow up a balloon until it pops (I have surprisingly poor lung capacity for blowing up balloons. Have blown bubbles till they pop though. Even with non stick chewing gum)
  


• Sing soft and sweet and clear (Done this)
  


• Sing loud and sour and gravely (This is what it sounds like to others when I am actually trying to do previous one)
  

• Open everything (I am a close-r, really)
  


• Balance a pencil on your nose (Tried. Failed)
  


• Grind your teeth (Done this)
  


• Chew ice (Do this a lot)
  


• Gesture (Do this a lot as well)
  


• Make a pass at your blender (Ooh, *wink)
  


• Make up words that start with X (Xorry! I Xant!)
  


• Sing a duet (Sung)
  


• Balance a pillow on your head (Done)
  


• Hold your breath (Done)
  


• Faint (I thought this was a great idea for a thing-to-do-when-bored)


• Stretch (Done)
  


• Learn to speak Farsi (Damn! This thing is a mind reader as far as me and languages are concerned. I want to learn Farsi. Mostly for Khusro)
  


• Swear in Russian ( Zavali yebalo! I googled it and found it here.)
  


• Use an eraser until it goes away (How come I never thought of this myself!?)
  


• Interview your feet (The first question will be - Can you tell me a joke?)
  


• Make a list of your favorite fungi (You know which fungi I dont like? Mushrooms!)
  


• Sell formaldehyde (Thumbs Up. Reminded of Fight Club)
  


• Make napalm (Thumbs Up. Again, as above)
  


• Begin (Begun)
  


• Hold your earlobes (Done)
  


• Fold your earlobes (Done. This is fun)
  


• Flap (The earlobes? Or the wings I made earlier?)
  


• Squawk (Dont think I can pull this one off)
  


• Read tea leaves (Sorry, I can't drink a book while)
  


• Analyze the Koran (Started. Will do one day. Also the Bhagavad Gita. Actually my brainstorm was to do a comparison/similarity finding type thing. Got it while brushing my teeth one morning many years ago)
  


• Be Buddha (Can do. I wouldn't abandon my family though. Would be wise enough to not have kids either, rather than having them and calling them names)
  


• Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize (Ah! Glory!)
  


• Think lewd thoughts about yourself (Umm...next !)
  


• Peel grapes (Done)
  


• Make paper from the skins (What an idea!)
  


• Send chills down your spine (Done this. It's a fairly regular feature of my existence)
  


• Blow bubbles (Done. Who doesn't enjoy this?)
  


• Bloat (Sigh. Feel like I am most of the time)
  


• Get run over by a train of thought (Done that)
  


• Make up famous sayings
  


• Bite your pinkie (Done this)
  


• Design a better toilet seat
  


• Shred a newspaper (Fun. I like destroying stuff I think. But I would recycle the paper after shredding)
  


• Scratch (my back and I'll scratch yours)
  


• Have a headache (Do. Does anyone want one?)
  


• Sniff (Done that. Fun only if met with tender and soothing words)
  


• Hatch an egg (I have seen a 6 year old do this. It was hilarious to watch. He was playing a game with me where I had to guess what he was)
  


• Spill (Oops)
  


• Act profound (Did I not just say shallow is the new deep? That's profound)
  


• Stare (Done that. Not at people)
  


• Truncate (Would love to)
  


• Put your feet behind your head (Have tried. Got one of them there)
  


• Hold your hand (Done this. It's quite nice. Jodi tor dak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re)
  


• Watch the minute hand move (But I already watched my watch till it stopped)
  


• Pretend you're a telephone
  


• Ring
  


• Radiate


• Skip (Done that. Should start again in fact.)
  


• Play hopscotch...with real scotch ( * Grin)
  


• Clock the velocity of your REMs (Es posible?)
  


• Put your shoes on the opposite feet (Have. :-P )
  


• Cross your toes (Do)
  


• Roll your tongue (Over :-) ? )
  


• Crystallize
  


• Hide (Do)
  


• Declare war (Ah. Finally I can join El Querido when he says "Hamle ke liye tayyar!"
  


• Seduce your stick shift (err.... the thinker-upper started thinking too much with his own it would seem)
  


• Wink ( ;-) )
  


• Memorize the periodic table (Sigh. Again?)
  


• Mummify (Ooh!)
  


• Collect electrons (There's Calvin and Hobbes again. I swear, they are an overpowering influence in my life)
  


• Repeat (There's Calvin and Hobbes again. I swear, they are an overpowering influence in my life)


• Fade (I shall, one day)
  


• Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
  


• Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong (Gladly!)
  


• Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail ( B-))
  


• Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire (Incidentally, have been watching the TV series lately)
  


• Walk on water...but don't get caught (Shh. Okay)
  


• Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
  


• Be in the wrong place at the right time (for some reason, this sounds more fun than being in the right place at the wrong time)
  

• Plot the overthrow of the Government (Gladly)
  


• Write a book about your previous life (Yes. I have an interesting candidate who fits the bill for my previous life)
  


• Jump up and down...on your alarm clock (For the sleepers, I bet this is something they have mentally done fifty billion times)
  

• Make a quilt out of cocktail napkins
  


• Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniel's
  


• Carve yours and your girlfriend's/boyfriend's initials...in a marshmallow (Probably wouldn't do in on a marshmallow. But it's a passable idea for a passtime me thinks)
  


• Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
  


• Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster (I thought I was hitting on the blender??)
  
• 
  
• See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement (Okay. But I want the IAEA out of it!)
  


• Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy (This was American but worth retaining)
  


• Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks
  


• Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed


• Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese (I would prefer paan)
  


• Debate politics with a fern
  


• If you lose, stop watering it and try again. (Love this following previous one)
  


• Be a threat to the American way of life ( *grin)
  


• Do research into the cause of World War III
  


• See how small you can scrunch your face (Done this)
  


• Raise professional certified racing turnips (Ah, don't change your passions for glory!)
  


• Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation (I thought this was cute)
  


• Park your car...with a friend (Done)
  


• Park your car...with a group of friends (Done)
  


• Frame your first statement of bankruptcy (Yes. I have to be ready for when the turnips fail)
  


• Place it on the wall of your office


• Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
  


• Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night (Would love to!)
  


• Play with anything that looks interesting (Do)
  


• Try to ignite water (Hmmmm)
  


• Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up (Yeah. They always annoyed me anyway)
  


• State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes")
  


• See if diamonds really do cut glass (Yes. And in future don't believe everything they tell you!)

• Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while (This is so morbid and appeals to me)
  

Simple pleasures

I love this feeling. Wet grass under bare feet has a...'quality'.