Which of these would you rather be?

On a dark winter morning at 3 AM
Customarily roused from sleep
Wide awake while another slept in peace
I was, its fair to say, surprised to see
That all the restless beating of my heart
Said there was a poem inside of me

"I looked at the mirror
She looked right back at me
And just as I was about to start
She beat me to it and asked like the wind carefree
'The thing loved or the loving thing-
Which one of these would you rather be?'"

One for solace

(P.S. Holy Cow would like to add that the photo above was taken by Rattlesnake- a cousin from distant lands- when the two of them were spending a rainy afternoon on Rajpath. This fact was of course brought to her attention by the said cousin, who recognised the photo as one he took. Holy Cow had just assumed she had taken it, given her liking for mainas and such, and bit her tongue a little when truth was revealed :-p )

More despair at our species

The world recently lost a one eyed, three legged dog named Gus to cancer. The little creature had been given the title of the "Ugliest Dog in the World" by the most confusing and mind numbingly weird species on earth- Human Beings.

He beat several other canines to win the title apparently. I mean, let's just take a look at what we're saying here and admonish ourselves. A dog competed against other dogs for the title of the world's ugliest dog.

Admit it. You haven't heard anything sillier. You and I both know that he didn't wake up one day, look in a mirror, conclude he had a fairly good chance and saunter off to sign up for the pageant.

It's a shame indeed that beauty has come to be associated in the human world by one's physical appearance.* But when we apply our own questionable standards to poor creatures of the animal kingdom, and judge them by the same, it really leaves me grasping in vacuum for something to say.

I don't know what drives human beings to act this way towards animals. Dressing them in people's clothes, making them participate in ugliness contests, getting them married to each other...

Camus once said that man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.

Is that why we can't stand the fact that there are wonderful creatures who are quite at peace with being what they are?

Is it envy that drives people to humanise animals?

I like to think so. It's much more a reflection of reality than the alternative that comes to my mind...

Pity.

*Reminds me of a poem I read recently. Allow me to share.

A young spring-tender girl

combed her joyous hair

'You are very ugly' said the mirror

But,on her lips hung

a smile of dove-secret loveliness,

for only that morning

had not the blind boy said,

"You are beautiful"?

-- Spike Milligan

Dawn breaks with sounds of running water and birds chirping,

as if all geared up

to get started on a new day.

Everywhere but here,

there seem to be signs of life finding a way.

This world of dew

This world of dew
is only a world of dew
- and yet

.....

A world of dew,
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle

(Issa)

Multiple entendres

They escaped with their lives

managed to get married

They can, at last, change their clothes.

- Yosa Buson

Of poetry, love and keeping the fantasy alive

There are two songs with some similar lines. Both songs are beautiful and can be easily related to by anyone who has loved or lost, or both.

The songs I speak of are Mujhse Pehli Si Mohabbat Mere Mehboob Na Maang by Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein Khayal Aata Hai by Sahir Ludhianvi.

The first song has the line

“Tu jo mil jaaye toh taqdeer nigun ho jaaye
Yun na tha maine faqat chaha tha yun ho jaaye”

(Were I to have you, my destiny would not matter.
This was not the way it was, but only how I desired it to be)

The second, by Sahir Ludhianvi, ends with

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Ki jaise tu mujhe chahegi umr bhar yun hi
Uthegi meri taraf pyaar ki nazar yun hi
Main jaanta hoon ki tu ghair hai magar yun hi

(Once in a while, a fleeting thought settles upon my mind
That you will want me forever
And your eyes will always find me through the lenses of love
I know you are not mine, but nonetheless
Once in a while…)

I think both songs are brilliant and I am a fan both of both the poets, and relate to both songs equally. But as far as these two parts of these songs are concerned, I favour the second more than the first.

Let me tell you why.

One starts with a fantasy and then crashes it against the wall of reality. The other recognizes the constraints of reality but is belligerent enough to reiterate the fantasy that exists nonetheless, and almost enjoys it.

Playing, in children and in adults through imagination and fantasy, is an integral part of the experience of an unburdened sense of existing. A child who cannot play, adults who cannot dream or be spontaneous have lost parts of themselves that allow them to be free without being afraid.

The capacity to be surprised also shuts down when one has had to abandon fantasy and playing too soon to the demands of harsh reality. Being surprised means not knowing and not being in control, which creates a vulnerability that causes anxiety. The titles of both songs are significant if one thinks of them in light of the above. One says it can no longer be the way it used to once in a while, while the other wonders and allows itself to be carried with that wonder.

Sahir’s lyrics have two qualities of good psychotherapy (I refer to the psychoanalytic or depth psychological approaches). It has the capacity to surprise, for when I heard the song for the first time I was caught by surprise both at the point where he dips into the level of reality after giving a glimpse of what the mind has fantasized, as well as when he rises again from reality back to fantasy with the very last ‘I know…. But..”. A second quality it has is of giving something to keep the listener going, by not putting an end to his fantasy-ing and imagination. To go on being. What philosophers and others have called Eros.

Keeping the fantasy alive is important for one to feel “alive” in the true sense of being. Life is not about going towards something. It is about the here and now. The chase is more important than the capture. The capture brings about an end to the game. What do you do then?

The entire meaning of a wide range of emotions and their whole worth comes from your experience of them. Love, for instance. The maximum you can derive out of that emotion is to be in love, to feel it from the depths of your being. Not to feel it towards a certain object alone but rather to experience it within yourself. Being with the one you love is an advantage, but doesn’t, or shouldn’t change your experience of it in any way, because it became a complete emotion the moment you began to feel it.

It need not “have” the other in order to attain a greater or more evolved state.

Love is an experience inside your own being that leads you to find things outside of you to give it an outlet or an organized form. You may like someone or admire them because of their qualities, but you love them only if you have opened yourself up to feeling love in general in the first place.

But the beautiful thing is, the moment you are able to do this you feel like you have reached the pinnacle of what is pleasurable and makes life worth living.

Poets in their wonderful double entendres and their prose have captured the essence of life and love like no one else has.

Ghalib, (insert “Sigh” here) once wrote

“Tere vaade par jiye hum
to yeh jaan jhoot jaana
ki khushi se mar na jaate
agar aitbaar hota ? "

(To say that I live because of your promise to me

Would make this life of mine a lie.

For would I not have died of sheer joy

Had I trusted it to be sincere?)

Apart from the surface level meaning of the inability to trust the love of a beloved, I think what he is also trying to get at is the essence – the juissance- of life which is in the journey between wanting and having. We live in a valley of desire and longing, and to attain all that we want would be equivalent to ceasing to live.

Like delaying an orgasm indefinitely

So that the heightened arousal, which in itself is pleasing, doesn’t come to an immediate end.

Maine poocha chand se

A strangely lovely thing about Srinagar was that the moon always seemed larger there. I don't know why or how. Every night while going for a stroll I would look up, shake my head and ask whoever I was walking next to- How is it that the moon is so much brighter and bigger here than in Delhi?

The only answers I ever got involved either an amused laughter at my question, or a shy smile.

On second thought, maybe that was enough of an answer after all.

"When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"

(Said a funny man to an annoying yet endearing-in-some-way woman in a feature film I happened to watch today)

There is a reason why I labelled this "Psychoanalysis" as well

Tune deewana banaaya toh main deewana bana

Ab mujhe hosh ki duniya mein tamaasha na bana*

-

You drove me to insanity and I became insane

Now don't make me a poor joke in the world of the sane

* Hazrat Shah Niyaz

(Translation by Muzaffar Ali)

In Kashmir, this too happens once in a while

The golden sun, feeling just a little dry
Rolled down the mountain,
And slid into the cool water of the lake
Watched by a lone bird in flight
That bemusedly drew circles in sky

Multi-isms of my motherland

"India also has philosophical and aesthetic traditions that are truly majestic in their scope and depth. These range from Vedanta's unifying existentialism to Ghalib's playful symbolism, from Bhagavad Gita's enlightened pragmatism to Gandhi's unflinching pacifism, from Khajuraho's informed hedonism to Kathakali's narrative corporealism, from Buddha's contemplative realism to Tagore's spiritual lyricism, from Nanak's divine eclecticism to Nehru's sophesticated secularism, and from Kabir's poetic mysticism to Rushdie's sardonic surrealism"

- Dr. Salman Akhtar,

Gifted writer and poet, exceptional orator.

Also, a psychoanalyst and psychiatrist.

in 'Freud Along the Ganges- Psychoanalytic Reflections on the People and Culture of India'

Ease

TQ: You are god sent
Holy Cow: we all are my dear
TQ: or whoever you would like to have been sent by
Holy Cow: equally god sent or non god sent, whichever way you look at it
TQ: :) Thank you would be less controversial ..
Holy Cow: Indeed. And you are welcome :-)

It's nice to be able to set things straight with friends this way.

A question

Did you exchange
A walk-on part in a war
For a lead role
In a cage?

The battle for the shoe-box nest

After this glorious period in recent history when the Holy Cow was playing hostess and waitress to the lovely mainas, there was a strange development that set into motion much "tsk tsk" ing and other sounds of approval, disapproval, surprise, horror, glee et cetera.

What had happened was that there were unexpected visitors who basically usurped the poor mainas from their royal abode- a pigeon couple. Now I love all animals, birds and other non human life. I do. But I like some more than I do others (which is basically a better way of saying I like some less than I do others), and pigeons are the unfortunate lot that fall in the less-than-others category. I think they're great and contribute to the general pleasantness of the world in several ways, but I also cannot tell a lie and say that I think they are the brightest winged things I have ever come across.

When I discovered that they were planning to make the shoe-box nest their new home, I did feel a little bad for the mainas who had built the nest from scratch (I extend the sympathies from the particular couple that built this nest to the species as a whole). Also, I honestly didn't think the plump pigeons could shuffle in and out of it as easily as the relatively smaller and more graceful mainas could have. But I shrugged after a little shake of the head and was ready to move onto playing hostess for the pigeons.

When the poor maina arrived again, expecting to find its nest untouched, it was actually attacked by the pigeon and there was a minor tiff between the two. The fight was duly watched by the Holy Cow and her dearly beloved other, where of course she supported the maina. The other also was kind enough to sympathise with the maina rather than the pigeon.

Anyway, the pigeon won and for a while there were pigeon eggs in the nest. They didn't hatch unfortunately (and might I also add that pigeon sounds aren't nearly as musical to the ears as maina sounds are).

Then there was a period where there was no real dweller, but both maina and pigeon often came, sat around and left. The pigeon was most consistent in its presence though.

Last week, it had a visitor.


This lovely bright green parrot had crawled (upside down) down the wire

Had a look at the nest


Was a bit startled to find the pigeon staring at it


And decided to take another parting look at it's would-have-been home before flying off, no doubt a little disgruntled.

Ek daal par basera

Eye opening journalism

Watching the coverage of the flood in Bihar by CNN IBN tonight

Two moments I would like to highlight

1. They showed various statues of god, submerged in water and the correspondent’s voice rang forth “…even God cannot save them”

Hmmm…. even God cant save them. Even God can’t save us.

What does that tell you?

2. Last shot (in which the correspondent proudly says her name and the channel she works for) in this case was a picture of her sailing through the flood waters (for effect of course) while two poor elderly and frail looking male flood victims pushed the makeshift bamboo shoot boat she sat on.

I mean this doesn’t exactly paint the perfect picture of a concerned journalist trying to evoke sympathy in viewers while at the same time projecting an image of herself/ her channel as getting down and dirty by reporting from ground zero, does it?

A plea

Jag hasi hai
Tu na hasiyo
Tu hasiyo toh
Zulam huyi jaaye

(From the thumri- Hamari Atariya Pe)

One afternoon, with five mainas and a little awe

I sit here on my bed next to the window. It is cloudy, and feels like it has just rained though it hasn’t. There is a silence that is only enhanced by the distant crowing of the crow far away.

Suddenly, the silence is broken by the frenzied chirping of three little maina babies that reside, safe from prying eyes and claws, inside the shoebox-nest that my mother and I made for them. Their mother has returned, with something to eat. She squeezes into the nest- it’s small, and there’s three of them in there after all, along with twigs and leaves and yes, even a peacock feather. The chirping becomes more frenzied and louder as they all reach upwards towards her beak. They stretch their little bodies as much as biology would allow them to, their mouths open revealing a triangle of yellow. When I see them I am reminded of how, as a child, pictures of open-mouthed baby birds used to remind me of samosas because of their yellow colour and triangular shape. It makes me smile now, as it must have then.

Their father still visits. This is the most amazing part. And the female maina still comes out of the nest to let him go in and have a peep at his little ones.

Now they have both flown away, leaving the babies in the nest. It is quiet again, as the babies know they can’t make too much noise, as it might be dangerous.

Who taught them that?

Who knows? Who can tell?

Of chapatis, chauvinism and other words beginning with the same letters that I would rather not mention

Our society is composed of arrogant fools whose self confidence is derived more from their social status and nawabi than their actual worth.

A conversation that ensued at the dinner table with the family was what started off my thoughts on the subject that ended with the above conclusion.

We eat rotis here, in this part of the world. And at the dinner table usually indicate when we reach the last one so that the woman who is making them in the kitchen doesn't stack them up unnecessarily for them to become stale the next day.

A visiting relative, after indicating his saturation point as far as rotis were concerned, commented on how someone he knew (lets call him Snoot) went to dinner to someone else's home and was very offended when asked to tell how many rotis were needed at the table.

The next day, this personification of arrogance made the most rude and hurtful remark to the woman of the house.

He asked her if her husband was earning well and received his pay checks on time, because "tumhare ghar mein toh gin kar roti banti hai" (in your home, you have to count the rotis before you make them)

Of course, I do not think there is anything wrong at all in finding out beforehand, so that one doesn't waste any food, or effort in making rotis that aren't going to be consumed during the same meal. Others on the table also agreed, but El Padre said that while he didn't think it was wrong, he understood the perspective of the gentleman described above. He said that in north India, it isn't considered socially appropriate to ask how many rotis one will have.

Why?

His logic is that if you ask someone if they will have more rotis, they will not say no even if they wanted more.

Now, I think it all depends on the manner in which the question is asked.

Asking someone, "aap roti toh nahi lenge na" (you wont have any more will you?) isnt right, as one doesn't find it comfortable to respond to a negative assumption with an affirmation.

Asking someone "aap roti toh aur lenge" (you will have one more, wont you) is fine, as it assumes that the person will, establishes that you will very much like him to have more, and are only asking to confirm so that you don't burden him with the already prepared roti if he doesn't want one.

Clearly, the Snoot wasn't making his sick and despicable remark because he felt pressured to say no when he wanted to say yes. He clearly thought it was beneath him to mention that he wanted to have 2-3-4 or 18 more rotis, because it was beneath him to have to answer a question of this nature. Nawabs probably didn't do that. The idea being that your social status is determined by the fact that you can afford to waste a few rotis and allow the food to spill over even if it isnt required, because you are well off enough to be able to spare a few extra grains of wheat.

What a shame. And what a sad person he is, if he has to prove his superiority in this manner- by downgrading the status of another. Of course, without giving sufficient regard to the fact that this man may have been an acquaintance of my visiting relative, I made my views about his behaviour quite clear.

Also, how come no one objects to this when one is paying for the rotis out of their own pockets at a restaurant? Do we not indicate to the waiter, whether more bread is needed? Or do we, Mr Snoot, wait for him to bring a basketful before us, and charge us for it?

So is it a question of disregard for an other's effort and money, whereas one holds one's own dear?

I am puzzled by how one's ego can be deflated by this most simple and non controversial question. How is it that one can feel offended when asked about one's dietary requirements?

All this is also, in my humble opinion, related in a subtle way to patriarchal values and customs.

How?

You think the women who cook for themselves and are last to eat keep going, without deciding in advance about which will be the last roti?

Men who take offence to such trivial things, are those men, who in a patriarchal set up, eat first, and feel rather king-like when the women serve them*. They probably feel that they needn't worry about these petty things, because even if the rotis are extra and piling up, the women who eat after they are done will happily consume them.

Like nawabs, whose slaves would take of the remains after they are done.

(*Seriously. Such men make me sick. They wouldn't even lift a finger to pick a slice of cucumber off the salad plate and expect their wives, daughters and daughter in laws to scurry about, fussing over them.)

Realisation dawns in the form of leopard play

I saw a leaopard cub playing with it's mother's tail lazily while lying on the branch of a tree.

It pushed and pulled it this way and that, and every time it tried to keep the tail down it would rise up again.

I saw that, smiled with my entire being, and said to my mother

"When I see this, I know why I am alive and what is the meaning of my life"

Those who are confused, it might help to see this.

The lovers behold your limitless beauty, where a thousand idols fade away

Guftam elaaj e zindagi
Gufta ki deedar e manast*

"And what cures life of all it's ills?"
"To behold my beauty," He said**

* Hazrat Amir Khausrau

**(Translation by Muzaffar Ali)

Take a step back, and ask yourself...

What your priorities are.

I have liked being the self appointed pointer-outer of what we as a race need to stop and take a look at, introspect and reflect upon etc.

Here is one more.

This horrible and extremely eerie system of a six day working week.

Does it not make you stop and wonder about what you prioritise? What we as a nation prioritise if we have so many people working six days a week? Since when did work become the be all and end all of our existence? Why are we going in the wrong direction rather than the right one? By which I mean from greater freedom and chances to live, to stricter deadlines and too much stress about making a living.

Of course, I am not disregarding the rising prices that make making a living a difficult dream for many to realise. What I am saying is that there should be some sort of rule that makes it punishable to work more than five days a week.

For everyone- regardless of age, caste, class and religion.

Recently, discussions with colleagues who have children etc. led me to discover the ugliest of ugly facts. That children are going to school six days a week now, instead of five.

My thoughts on the education system can wait for another time and another post, but six days a week for kids? This should be enough to make us stop dead in our tracks, isn't it?

What happened to our ideals of life being about doing things you enjoy doing, being with people you enjoy being with, surrounding yourself with books, beauty and melody?

If we do not wish to examine our lives individually, let us at least look at the fact that we are all , collectively, tending towards this despicable habit.

We are turning ourselves into working drones people.

Our actions say a lot about who we are and what we stand for. Raise your voices against a six day week. Be home. Be with your family. Be with your children. Be with what you cherish and love and what makes living worthwhile for you.

This can only work if we work in unison. If I start protesting along against working on the sixth day, I will just get fired and there will be plenty of other drones waiting with hands raised to take my place.

Can it happen? Perhaps. We will only know if we try.

It's a bit like the custom of dowry. If all the women say no, the greedy men will have to either change, or stay single.

The dog who found sleep on my feet

Hum aapke kadmo par
Gir jaayenge ghash kha kar*






(Taken using a friend's cellphone camera)

*What is ironic is that I was the one khaoing ghash and nearly fainting from joy that threatened to kill me, because of him.

The Maina Series- The Fifth and Final Part

See parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Some anecdotes not captured photographically.

Throughout the time they were around, I did not need alarm clocks as they would create a racket with the million different types of sounds that mainas make. They also caused me to sometimes wake up and smile, without even opening my eyes. Just the knowledge that they were around made the whole world better.

The building is quite a tedious process. They actually do jodo-ofy the house, tinka-tinka ikattha kar ke ( putting it together stick by stick). During this process, the female maina I think, is in the driver's seat. She would be present constantly, like a supervisor. Her partner would bring a stick, look at her and bob his head a little as if seeking approval. She would then make a "trrr" type sound after which he would make his way into the shoe-box to fit it in somewhere. It was real teamwork. And also extremely cute.

Once the eggs had hatched, the male didn't just fly off to find another mate. He stuck around, and often came and stood just outside the shoe box calling to his female. She would then come out, and let him go in to see the eggs he had helped make. Most lovely.

Mainas who choose to come and live near me, are bound to get five star treatment. They were given fresh water in a small clay diya every morning, and spoilt senselessly with various delicacies ranging from light and not very sweet Marie biscuits, to coconut cookies, to butter cookies, to chocolate cream filled cookies. Also, they didn't seem too impressed with me when I gave them brown bread. Who would be, after all this?

They also managed to, a number of times, tilt the diya over causing all the water to fall all over the cookie crumbs making a sick little mess on the ledge of the window. And yes, I scolded them a little for the same. Not the first time, not the second time, but the third.

All the eggs did not hatch. Only one did. There was some noise and squeaking for some days after which there was silence. One fine day, they were all gone.

The shoe-box remained though.

And we are most delighted to share that it is now home to another maina couple, and three fine little pearly white eggs.

PS- Turns out it didn't end there. Story continues here

The Maina Series- Part 4

For part 3, go here


The house was finally deemed fit enough to re-build this...

to house these....

Part 5 here

The Maina Series- Part 3

For part 2, go here

After the storm in 2, Holy Cow felt bad for the destroyed home, and built a shoe-box home with her equally animal crazy mother and some strings.

As the pictures show, the home was duly checked out for holes in the plumbing etc. ....



by both the mainas jointly...

This last one reminded me of "Yeh tera ghar yeh mera ghar"

Part 4 here

The Maina Series- Part 2

For Part 1, go here

That was followed by this

Part 3 here

The Maina Series - Part 1

First, there was this

Part 2 here

Once in a while, there comes along a Fwd that is more than just trash.

Someone forwarded me a long list of crazy "things-to-do-when-you-are-bored". Some are more like general tips on good living. I liked. I also appreciate the thought that went into coming up with them in the first place. Don't know who did though. Whoever! If you are reading this, let it be known that a good time was had because of you and that your mind has been of good use to someone else. Congratulations for that!

Now, not only were some of them awfully American and totally not applicable to India or Indians, some were actually quite offensive to animals (For e.g. there was one that suggested "throwing your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet" or "shave your cat") and those have been removed from the list below.

So yes, read and enjoy and take down these Vishesh Tippanis.

I have taken the liberty of minor changes to some and have of course, given my own experiences with the VTs or thoughts on the same.

Presenting: What-to-do-when-you-are-bored-or-what-to-refer-to-when-you-need- a-little-direction-in-life

• Sharpen your teeth
  


• Play Houdini (I would love to. Under supervision and with the paramedics waiting of course. Houdini has always enraptured my mind)
  

• Clean and polish your belly button
  

• Water your dog...see if he grows (Okay, I didnt think this was offensive)
  


• Wash a tree (Gladly. Have washed a plant before)
  


• Knight yourself (Done that in my mind a few times)
  


• Give your cat a mohawk (Don't have one. But I imagine this might be fun if the cat doesnt scratch your eyes right out while you are in the process of styling its hair)
  


• Purr (Done this before. It is thoroughly enjoyable)
  


• Whine (Who doesn't?)
  


• Listen to a painting
  


• Play with matches (Done this. I wish matchsticks were longer. Maybe I should add, "Invent long matchsticks" to this list. Consider it added)
  


• Read Homer in the original Greek
  

• Change your mind

• Change it back


• Learn Greek (Alrighty!)
  


• Watch the sun...see if it moves (Check. Buy special glasses first)
  


• Stand on your head (I have a weird head problem which makes my head hurt if I am upside down for long. So this might not be fun for me. But others are most welcome to try)
  

• Stand on someone else's head (Believe it or not, have done this before. Again, enjoyable but kinda difficult to retain balance. Hold a wall while at it, is my suggestion)
  


• Build a pyramid (Next: climb it)
  

• See how long you can stay awake (This is only possible if I do many of the other things on the list)
  


• See how long you can sleep
  


• Speak with a forked tongue (I couldn;t really imagine this, but I think this has potential for fun-ness)
  

• Have a proton fight ( *Grin. Reminded of Calvin and Hobbes)
  


• Quiver (Ooh, what fun!)
  


• Learn to type...with your toes (This is seriously on the agenda)
  


• Be someone special (Err...blah)
  


• Go back to square one (I seem to find myself here all the time, causing me to wonder whether there ever is anything beyond it)
  


• Memorize a series of random numbers (I bet this is invented by Ebbinghaus' grandson)

• Learn Sanskrit (Sob sob. I shall. I promise! I even bought myself a "Teach yourself Sanskrit" book two years ago. Aham Gacchami)
  


• Exist...existentially, of course (Favourite thing to do. Or something I always aspire to do)
  


• Take a picture (Done. Sigh etc. Wish I could do it more often)
  


• Sandpaper a mushroom (He he. I don't like mushrooms. So this sounds promising as a potential outlet for latent aggression)
  


• Put it back (Mutters to self)
  


• Run for Pope (First, run after. Second, run over. And then run for- :-P)
  


• Count to a million...fast (See, this seems do-able. But doesn't excite me as such. Why I left it on? Who knows?)
  


• Make a schematic drawing...of a rock (I am sure I have done this in the past)
  

• Commit seppuku...with a paper knife (I recently bought a blunt switchblade that has cost my friends some of their sanity as I keep going on about what I can do with it and where I can use it. This may be the beginning and the end)
  


• Think shallow thoughts (Haven't I shared my profound insight about how I think shallow is the real deep? That needs an entire post altogether)
  


• Sleep on a bed of nails (Yes. I have always been inspired by Bhishma)
  


• Boil ice cream (This made me make a face similar to --> :-^ but worth doing once)
  


• DON'T toss and turn (I like this. It proves that the thinker-upper of these things to do really wanted to prevent this uncomfortable behaviour that people engage in when bored)
  


• Run around in squares (Would it still be called running "around" if one does it in squares?)
  


• Think of quadruple entendres (Hmmmm....*scratches chin thoughtfully)
  


• Speak in acronyms
  


• Have your pillow X-rayed (Err...okay but only if you promise I won't be arrested for the 3 kgs of Cocaine they will find there)
  


• Drink straight shots...of water (I am a water fan. Drink about 16 ltrs a day. Haven't tried this ever. Have had shots of orange juice though. And had Fanta with a spoon. Both were enjoyable activities)
  


• Calmly have a nervous breakdown (Love this one. I am sure I have done this)
  


• Give your goldfish a perm (I don't have a goldfish. But again, sounds like a plan!)
  


• Exorcise a ghost ( *grin)
  


• Be bluem (Done that)
  


• Be red (Never felt red)
  


• But don't be orange (Dont think I will be)
  


• Paint stripes on a lake (On the agenda for sure. First thought that came to mind- Dal Lake. Second thought- stripes wont go with the triangular mountains surounding it)
  


• Sleep in freefall (I will probably be too busy dying)
  


• Test thin ice...with a pogo stick ( :-) )
  


• Do a good job (I didn't know if this means, with the above recommendation or in general. I like it if it means the former)
  


• Crawl (Done this. Fun.)
  


• Watch a watch until it stops (Real 'time killer')
  


• Flash your goldfish (Oh the poor thing! But I laughed when I read it so left it on)
  


• Paint (Done that. Even with fingers. Painted a star on a friend's wall once, and she said it looked like it had flown in and slammed against the wall and gone "Splat!". I took as a compliment. My star had a personality)
  


• Smile ( :-) )
  


• Paint a smile (I hope they mean draw and not paint paint)
  

• Kick a fire hydrant
  


• Pretend you're blind


• Apologize to it (This was sweet)
  


• Plant a shoe


• Sweat (Yes. You will not be out of line to say "Why the hell?!. But think about it. It may have something that you are missing)
  


• Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil ( *grin)
  


• Turn (This I like because I think it is random-est of them all)
  


• Take your sofa for a walk (I imagine doing this. Without a leash though)
  


• Write a letter to Plato ( Thumbs up)
  


• Mail it (Shall I send it by registered post where he has to sign for it?)
  


• Play the piano...with mittens on (I have always wanted to. Play the piano that is)
  


• Contemplate a cockroach (Again, surprisingly I have done this)
  


• Get a dog to chase your car (I didn't like this one)
  


• Let him catch it (Until I read this)
  


• Form a political party (A friend told me to once, in all seriousness. At the time, all I could come up with was the "All India Non Religious Party of Liberal Humanism")


• Climb a sidewalk (To give a bhaashan - speech)
  


• Have a political party


• Sharpen a carrot (This I thought was very innovative)
  


• Interrogate a gerbil (Now, one would think the inventor had it in for gerbils in a big way)
  


• Annoy yourself (Don't think I can. But I can kill several hours trying to!)
  


• Get mad at yourself (Umm...)
  


• Stop speaking to yourself (NO!!!)
  


• Be a side effect (Love this one!)
  


• Be someone simple (I would be someone complexly simple or simply complex)
  


• Scheme
  


• Sit (Done this)
  


• Stay (Starting to feel like a dog being trained)
  


• Roll over (Hey! There better be a treat at the end of all this!)
  


• Wriggle (Done this)
  


• Play dead (Done this)
  


• Donate your brother's body to science ( * Evil Grin. Can I be the scientist too?)
  


• Find a witch (Ooh, don't forget to pick her brains clean and take notes. Detailed!)
  


• Regress (Done this)
  


• Sleepwalk without sleeping (Done this, I think)
  


• Jump back (Done this. Also, this is definitely more fun than jumping forward)
  


• Play to lose (Done this. Usually while arm-wrestling with kids)
  


• Read a tomato (What fun! I will snack on a cut up book while doing so)
  


• Sharpen your sleeping skills (Have been, in recent times)
  


• Interview a cloud (Big thumbs up)
  


• Put out a fire
  


• If you can't find a fire, make one (This is more fun than the putting out part)
  


• Crumple (This is immensely satisfying)
  


• Translate Shakespeare into English (I like the sentiment here)
  


• Cheer up a potato (Ah! This sounds like a great plan and is worthy of inclusion in the list twice by virtue of being a pass time, as well as a life's little instruction type thing because of its prosocial hues)
  


• Do aerobic exercises...in your head (Done this)
  


• Build a house with ice cubes (This also reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes)
  


• Change your name...daily (Good. I have always wondered how parents can zero in on one name for their kids)
  


• Wonder (Do this. A lot)
  


• Be a square root (Hmm....of?)
  


• Ask stupid questions (As above?)
  


• Spew
  


• Be a monk...for a day (Yes. Definitely worth engaging in)
  

• Staple (I like stapling)
  


• Run away (Oh, what wouldn't I give to..)
  


• Intimidate a piece of chalk ( :-) )
  


• Abuse the plumbing (Done this)
  


• Create random equations
  


• Tell your feet a joke (I am not a good joke teller. But I will ask my feet to tell me one)
  


• Throw a tomato into a fan (Can you imagine the amount of fun this could be?!)
  


• Pretend you're a dog (Have done so. Several times. In fact, have done so in this post itself by now)
  


• Dial-a-prayer and argue with it (Gladly!)
  


• Relive fond memories (I Do)
  


• Gargle (I Do)
  


• Count your teeth with your tongue (Have started, but lose track half way. Must complete)
  


• Decay (I Am)
  


• Build a house out of toothpicks
  


• Howl (Do. Silently)
  


• Wear a lampshade on your head (I can see myself doing this, having perfected the art of wearing a tea-cosy on my head when I was a child)
  


• Memorize the dictionary (Aspire to. Dictionary of several languages)
  


• Make yourself a pair of wings (I would use chiffon dupattas)
  


• Be immobile (Done this)
  


• Dance 'til you drop (Done this)
  


• Moo ( :-P Done this)
  


• Bounce a potato (Can try!)
  


• Out maneuver your shadow (I mean, what a brilliant idea! Really, hats off to the thinker-upper again! Have tried this btw! Great great fun!)
  


• Climb the walls (Have half done this)
  

• Appreciate everything (Cant)
  


• Challenge yourself to a duel (Have imagined this several times. In a black vs. white body-suit)
  


• Let the best man win (Woman, you mean)
  


• Hold an ice cube as long as possible (Have done this. It stings, but it's fun)
  


• Adopt strange mannerisms (Already have)
  


• Blow up a balloon until it pops (I have surprisingly poor lung capacity for blowing up balloons. Have blown bubbles till they pop though. Even with non stick chewing gum)
  


• Sing soft and sweet and clear (Done this)
  


• Sing loud and sour and gravely (This is what it sounds like to others when I am actually trying to do previous one)
  

• Open everything (I am a close-r, really)
  


• Balance a pencil on your nose (Tried. Failed)
  


• Grind your teeth (Done this)
  


• Chew ice (Do this a lot)
  


• Gesture (Do this a lot as well)
  


• Make a pass at your blender (Ooh, *wink)
  


• Make up words that start with X (Xorry! I Xant!)
  


• Sing a duet (Sung)
  


• Balance a pillow on your head (Done)
  


• Hold your breath (Done)
  


• Faint (I thought this was a great idea for a thing-to-do-when-bored)


• Stretch (Done)
  


• Learn to speak Farsi (Damn! This thing is a mind reader as far as me and languages are concerned. I want to learn Farsi. Mostly for Khusro)
  


• Swear in Russian ( Zavali yebalo! I googled it and found it here.)
  


• Use an eraser until it goes away (How come I never thought of this myself!?)
  


• Interview your feet (The first question will be - Can you tell me a joke?)
  


• Make a list of your favorite fungi (You know which fungi I dont like? Mushrooms!)
  


• Sell formaldehyde (Thumbs Up. Reminded of Fight Club)
  


• Make napalm (Thumbs Up. Again, as above)
  


• Begin (Begun)
  


• Hold your earlobes (Done)
  


• Fold your earlobes (Done. This is fun)
  


• Flap (The earlobes? Or the wings I made earlier?)
  


• Squawk (Dont think I can pull this one off)
  


• Read tea leaves (Sorry, I can't drink a book while)
  


• Analyze the Koran (Started. Will do one day. Also the Bhagavad Gita. Actually my brainstorm was to do a comparison/similarity finding type thing. Got it while brushing my teeth one morning many years ago)
  


• Be Buddha (Can do. I wouldn't abandon my family though. Would be wise enough to not have kids either, rather than having them and calling them names)
  


• Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize (Ah! Glory!)
  


• Think lewd thoughts about yourself (Umm...next !)
  


• Peel grapes (Done)
  


• Make paper from the skins (What an idea!)
  


• Send chills down your spine (Done this. It's a fairly regular feature of my existence)
  


• Blow bubbles (Done. Who doesn't enjoy this?)
  


• Bloat (Sigh. Feel like I am most of the time)
  


• Get run over by a train of thought (Done that)
  


• Make up famous sayings
  


• Bite your pinkie (Done this)
  


• Design a better toilet seat
  


• Shred a newspaper (Fun. I like destroying stuff I think. But I would recycle the paper after shredding)
  


• Scratch (my back and I'll scratch yours)
  


• Have a headache (Do. Does anyone want one?)
  


• Sniff (Done that. Fun only if met with tender and soothing words)
  


• Hatch an egg (I have seen a 6 year old do this. It was hilarious to watch. He was playing a game with me where I had to guess what he was)
  


• Spill (Oops)
  


• Act profound (Did I not just say shallow is the new deep? That's profound)
  


• Stare (Done that. Not at people)
  


• Truncate (Would love to)
  


• Put your feet behind your head (Have tried. Got one of them there)
  


• Hold your hand (Done this. It's quite nice. Jodi tor dak shune keu na ashe tobe ekla cholo re)
  


• Watch the minute hand move (But I already watched my watch till it stopped)
  


• Pretend you're a telephone
  


• Ring
  


• Radiate


• Skip (Done that. Should start again in fact.)
  


• Play hopscotch...with real scotch ( * Grin)
  


• Clock the velocity of your REMs (Es posible?)
  


• Put your shoes on the opposite feet (Have. :-P )
  


• Cross your toes (Do)
  


• Roll your tongue (Over :-) ? )
  


• Crystallize
  


• Hide (Do)
  


• Declare war (Ah. Finally I can join El Querido when he says "Hamle ke liye tayyar!"
  


• Seduce your stick shift (err.... the thinker-upper started thinking too much with his own it would seem)
  


• Wink ( ;-) )
  


• Memorize the periodic table (Sigh. Again?)
  


• Mummify (Ooh!)
  


• Collect electrons (There's Calvin and Hobbes again. I swear, they are an overpowering influence in my life)
  


• Repeat (There's Calvin and Hobbes again. I swear, they are an overpowering influence in my life)


• Fade (I shall, one day)
  


• Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
  


• Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong (Gladly!)
  


• Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail ( B-))
  


• Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire (Incidentally, have been watching the TV series lately)
  


• Walk on water...but don't get caught (Shh. Okay)
  


• Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
  


• Be in the wrong place at the right time (for some reason, this sounds more fun than being in the right place at the wrong time)
  

• Plot the overthrow of the Government (Gladly)
  


• Write a book about your previous life (Yes. I have an interesting candidate who fits the bill for my previous life)
  


• Jump up and down...on your alarm clock (For the sleepers, I bet this is something they have mentally done fifty billion times)
  

• Make a quilt out of cocktail napkins
  


• Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniel's
  


• Carve yours and your girlfriend's/boyfriend's initials...in a marshmallow (Probably wouldn't do in on a marshmallow. But it's a passable idea for a passtime me thinks)
  


• Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
  


• Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster (I thought I was hitting on the blender??)
  
• 
  
• See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement (Okay. But I want the IAEA out of it!)
  


• Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy (This was American but worth retaining)
  


• Carry a tune...drop it, see if it breaks
  


• Make a deal with the devil...but keep your fingers crossed


• Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese (I would prefer paan)
  


• Debate politics with a fern
  


• If you lose, stop watering it and try again. (Love this following previous one)
  


• Be a threat to the American way of life ( *grin)
  


• Do research into the cause of World War III
  


• See how small you can scrunch your face (Done this)
  


• Raise professional certified racing turnips (Ah, don't change your passions for glory!)
  


• Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation (I thought this was cute)
  


• Park your car...with a friend (Done)
  


• Park your car...with a group of friends (Done)
  


• Frame your first statement of bankruptcy (Yes. I have to be ready for when the turnips fail)
  


• Place it on the wall of your office


• Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
  


• Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night (Would love to!)
  


• Play with anything that looks interesting (Do)
  


• Try to ignite water (Hmmmm)
  


• Draw Venn diagrams...screw them up (Yeah. They always annoyed me anyway)
  


• State fallacies as fact (like, "peanuts grow on bushes")
  


• See if diamonds really do cut glass (Yes. And in future don't believe everything they tell you!)

• Tenderize your tongue...chew on it for a while (This is so morbid and appeals to me)
  

Sunset- somewhere near Dehradun

Flower on a balcony railing

I saw it lying there casually, probably carried and placed here by the wind. I saw it and my heart skipped a beat with the frank and open beauty of it.

If you could, what would you criminalize?

Having babies. That’s what.

Its shocking, the extent of narcissism a man will indulge really. I refuse to believe that there is something else that propels human beings to have children, apart from the fact that a. they can and b. this joy ride that they take on their egos, just so they can say “Look what I made! And now I will play with it and make it listen to me till it is old enough to realize that life sucks, and curses me for it”

This whole idea seems surreal to me. That of having children of course. Do you do it because you want to hold on to the illusion of longevity through the propagation of your genetic material from one era to the next? If yes, then don’t be so stupid. When you die, you die. Finito. Nobody lives in or through anyone else. Or perhaps it’s a displaced rage that makes you have kids? Nobody asked you. Your parents just went ahead and had you. You didn’t choose to be born, and didn’t have control over your own life so you want to redeem yourself by exercising choice with respect to another? “So what if I couldn’t have that? At least I can have this!”

Ah the fools! You can’t exercise revenge backwards in time! And for the first few years, you are likely to suffer more! If you’re pissed about what was done to you, put an end to it!

Seriously though, this post is for those who complain about life being tough, insufferable, unbearable, painful, point less and all those things not normally associated with pleasure. How, I repeat, HOW can those people choose to have kids? Is it not pure sadism at work? You crib crib crib about something and then voluntary inflict that upon another creature! Shame on you! Shame on all of you!

When confronted with such people I just feel like smacking them across their face really. If you desire to have children, at least pretend like you love life and would like to give this gift of life to a million other people! But please-oh-please don't say that life sucks, and then force more people to have a taste of it! Why would you do that?!

There is a bit of masochism also at play I suspect. I am here reminded of that oh-so-complete book of verses- The Rubaiyat and of that lovely one where they (i.e. Khayyam and Fitzgerald) speak of the checkerboard of nights and days on which we are but pieces of the game He plays.

True. True as my heartbeat. But those who have children, I ask you, are you not caught in a sado-masochistic game with the He in question? Do you not, by virtue of having children voluntarily, toss these pawns in his lap and say “Play on, so I can do the damage and then keep blaming you”?

God a.k.a Nature a.k.a The Unpredictability of Existence might have given you the ability to procreate. But you have the choice not to. Its great that you have this skill. Really. Congratulations etc. But surely you should be more prudent before you go about acting on it?

Just yesterday, someone who recently had twins had come over. They’re very cute and playful and fun to watch etc. but what struck me was the 4376528764 times that their mother pointed out what a handful they were. I mean, what did you expect? That they would pop right out and that’s it? The real work begins later on my dear, and even I know that! There was a strange sense that I got from the mother. That horrible horrible feeling of….regret. Absolutely terrifying that. Makes a shiver run down my spine to think that a parent would feel that way. My mind automatically gasps and whispers, “My God, what have you done?”

You know why I think having children should be criminalized? Because it is kind of akin to murder. Don’t feel all proud and glorious about having created life. What you have inadvertently done is in fact create death, pain, loss, suffering. Especially in the world as it is today. Complete with melting ice, terrorism and rising prices.

What makes it even more sordid is, that it is the supposedly 'wiser' adults who are having these children. If over 20 years of existence hasn’t been enough to make you realize that the world isn’t fit to live in, and that the human race is worse than pond scum, much MUCH worse, then I question the quality of the very genes that you are transmitting to the next generation and plead with you to think twice.

And then some fifty three thousand eight hundred and forty six more times after that.

La madre amable :-P

Comfort: It would really make me so happy if you have kids

Holy Cow: I see!

Comfort: Because I know you will make a wonderful mother

Holy Cow: Yeah. Maybe, by not giving birth to the kids, I am already being a good mother by shielding them from the suffering called existence.

Stop Female Foeticide

This is what adorns one of the walls of my room at work. I think the painting is as beautiful as it is symbolic.

Below it, the text reads-

"To all the woman who have made our country great.
And to all the little girls who will make it even greater"

*Artwork courtesy UNFPA

Simple pleasures

I love this feeling. Wet grass under bare feet has a...'quality'.

On reservation- just a few points.

My views on reservations based on caste in educational institutions are quite clear. They're pointless. The downtrodden still remain downtrodden and the wealthy, greasy lalas derive all the benefits they can out of this whole thing. I mean the whole system has become a big fat joke, because a time will come when everyone will want to be included in the SC/ST/OBC category, and the "General" catgories will need reservation. It's quite a clear indication of things having gone awfully awry, when people start rioting to be included in a category of people who, as per their own claims, are a poor and oppressed lot.

As far as reservations in academics go, I don't think any reservations should be made at the University level. In fact, reservations should be made on economic grounds in primary and secondary educational institutions across India, so that the problem- which is basically a problem of unequal opportunity- is sorted out at the first rung of the ladder. Once an opportunity is given at the lower levels, the ball is in ability's court.

Recently, the much awaited question of reservation for women in Parliament has raised itself from the dead like a phoenix again. A bill that was shamefully torn to pieces in Parliament as slap on the face of democracy a decade ago, has once again become the top agenda of the Government- apart from the Nuclear Deal of course which is threatening to sink the mother ship.

Now the argument in favour of reservation of women in Parliament is as follows- because of patriarchal social structures and attitudes, women cannot contest and win elections without the crutches. It is sad, indeed it is. But it is also true. Women have neither money nor clout. "But they have principles, sensitivity, and sensibility-don't they?" Yes. Some, if not most, do.

But the sad fact is that even if some people in the history of the world may have won an election on principles and vision alone, it is not something that has happened often enough for us to internalise it as a modo de vida.

So coming back to the question of reserving seats for women in Parliament. My views are not well formed or coherent enough to be put down here. I do understand that the problem is too deep seated to be resolved easily. Women are systematically discriminated against where is comes to education, free thinking, liberation of mind and spirit, employment, and of course money - things that are all (in theory) part of the Successful Political Candidate Kit.

What I do not understand, is the hypocrisy and blindness of the Government when it comes to the question of reserving seats based on gender. They are okay with reserving seats based on caste, class and religion, but not gender.

Someone from the Government recently cited the example of what Sarojini Naidu had said in 1932, and actually hinted at it being an ideal we would be compromising on if we reserved seats for women in Parliament. Naidu had said that she dreamt of an India where special privileges were not given on the basis of caste, class, religion or gender.

Of course she did. So did hundreds of leaders then and so do hundreds of leaders now. All of us wish for an India where such privileges will not be necessitated by the social conditions that systematically oppress and suppress certain classes of persons. However, the dreams that our leaders had in those days have sadly not been our guiding forces in other matters. One look at the state of our nation today will tell you so.

She also dreamt of no reservations based on caste and class. Is that being followed? Do we not have reservations based on class and caste in all spheres of political, academic and social life? Kind sir who made the above mentioned statement, wake up and smell the rot. The ideals you remind us of have been compromised a long time ago.

Why are these reservations in place? Because the Government believes that special safeguards need to be given to certain groups of persons, who, because of the thousand year old history of India, have not been given an opportunity to rise. Why is this ideal of 'not giving special privileges' only being quoted when the question of reservation for women comes up? Does that not reflect a blindness on the part of the Government, to the fact that women are also one such group, and the most heterogeneous? Should gender not be considered an oppressed class in itself?

The dilly-dallying that is happening on the bill the second time around is on the question of reservation for OBC and other religious minorities, within the 33% reservation for women. All this is just a very cheap stunt on the part of the Government to postpone the passing of the bill in the next session. What annoys me about this entire situation is blatant hypocrisy and absence of credible arguments to support one's stand. As of this moment, there are no such safeguards for anyone from the OBC or religious minorities- male or female. Why rake this issue up when it comes to a question of reserving seats for women alone? Why has this wisdom not dawned on them for so many years? When the parliament deems fit, it shall make constitutional amendments to the existing laws to provide for quota for men and women from OBCs and religious minorities.

Whether or not there should be sub-quotas within quota is an issue that the parliamentarians can and should battle out on the floor of the Lok Sabha. Discrimination based on caste, class and religion affect men and women equally. However, gender based discrimination affects women alone, and it is this discrimination that the present bill seeks to tackle.

Principles of categorisation that we all acquire as children usually proceed from the super-ordinate to the sub-ordinate categories. SC/ST/OBC/Religious Minorities are sub-ordinate categories of oppressed persons within the much larger, super-ordinate category of "Women" .

Just to, you know, put things in perspective.

Tootey hue dilwalon ki aan, aur hi kuchh hai

Ya khuda talib-e-akseer ko akseer mile
Hum ko khak- e -dar- e- jaanaana mubarak bashad
Mataa-e- be baha hai dard -o -soz- e- arzoomandi
Maqaam- e- bandagi de kar na loon shaan- e- khudawandi**

(A translation)
May those who seek cures be granted cures
For me the dust at the beloved's doorstep is blessing enough
For me, the passion and anguish of longing is an unlimited treasure
I shall not trade my place of humble submission
for the glory of Godliness.

** Hazrat Shah Niyaz...

...A man who, among others, has definitely shaped my being in the loveliest of ways.

No promises broken, no justice denied; He never promised us anything, so we can't say that He Lied

"I find this whole idea of having been "wronged" in some way (with respect to life) quite futile, and that is the very idea that this whole talk of fairness vs. unfairness (of life) brings with it. Your life has not been given to you to be peachy. No one is obligated to make you happy. Creation is a chance occurence. That's it. It's like saying "It's not fair that the sky is blue" . The sky doesn't give a damn and doesn't have any obligation to. So the question of "justice not being done" doesn't arise."

This was some Gyaan (words of wisdom) that the Holy Cow baanto-ed (distributed) to a friend recently.

She does that a lot.

That too, free of charge.

Hum mandir ke darwaze nahi khat-khataate, but this is one of those things that ought to be said

me: You're great, you know that?

.....

Tushar: :)
Spread the word then ___!!!
:D


me: err...
thinking of ways to do that


Tushar: ha ha ha.....
that should be an interesting brainstorming session


me: among friends etc the word is spread. I am fairly vocal about which people I like etc .
me: as for others....


Tushar: awww... so sweet


me: (tapping fingers on table)
(in a pensive fashion)


Tushar: (that's more like impatience)
(tap temples)


me: I am not a temple tapper


Tushar: hehehe


me: pun- religious i.e.- very intended !


Tushar: :)



So here it is world! This boy is indeed quite wonderful. Good person to have around. The Holy Cow, at least, is glad that her life crossed paths with his.



There.



I think I 'prachaar karofy' quite well.

Advertisement: Sunrise Banquet Hall- Price includes flowers, mishri and two cups of coffee

Some of the family,including parents, just returned from a ten day vacation in Uttaranchal (Yes, I know they have changed it to Uttarakhand but I think that name is terrible compared to the beautiful and calm sounding Uttaranchal so I shall stick to it). The first thing they say to me as I breeze in from work is "We found the perfect place to get married. We think you should get married in Dehradun"

To say I was anything less than aghast would be an understatement. But I managed to retain composure and said "Oh?"

The story is as follows. Mother and aunt wanted to use the bathroom so they all had to stop on the way down from XYZ to Delhi. They saw this nice looking place and went in. My uncle went in also. Feeling bad about entering a place just to use the conveniences*, he thought he would strike up a conversation with the man at the reception, pretending to be an interested customer.

The place was "Sunrise Banquet Hall" that they rent out for weddings at Rs. 50,000/- (only) and if you get them to do the catering its half the price. It was apparently quite huge, had 13 A/C rooms and in case there were more guests who were close enough to stay over, there were dorms in which beds could be laid out.

Details such as the following were also discussed

1. What the menu would be like. The guy went on to say how you could choose any four starters and any four desserts etc.

2. What would the cost of renting the place include. It would include, apparently, the hall, decorations, 400 chairs, flowers, and also the mishri and rosewater that they sprinkle on the guests when they walk in.

3. At the time of the actual ceremony (he assumed it would be a Hindu one) they would serve 2 cups of coffee to everyone present, at no extra charge. (I think this is poignant, as I have thoroughly enjoyed having coffee while watching my cousin brother's and my close friend's wedding. It wakes you up and you feel like a very important guest at the premiere of a movie)

4. Breakfast, which would be composed of Jalebi, Kachoris etc. would be served to all guests who had the strength, and willingness to stay over night.

Now, I really don't know how long my mother and aunt were gone, but my uncle had even managed to bargain and get the guy to reduce the price! Yes, very enterprising and all.

Naturally, the obvious question, and one that was running parallel-y in my mind, was voiced by that gentleman first.

"Toh sir, shaadi kab ki hai?" (So, when is the wedding)

(Here, I might have struck a pose with arms folded across chest as if to say "Yeah, when is the wedding anyway?"

My uncle: Socha toh hai August September mein kisi time.

I think, for readers who know me not, it would be appropriate to mention here that this post is meant to be funny both in its content, as well as in the contextual setting. The latter of course being that I of course had no plans of getting married in August/ September and this uncle of mine (despite the fact that I do like him a lot) has no idea whatsoever about this particular aspect of my life and existence.

Eventually the ladies emerged, and my uncle left it at "We'll let you know after seeing a few more places"

They tell me all I needed to do was find the groom

*Personally, I don't know why he felt so terrible. I have done this for two whole years at the University Library. That is, going in just to use the bathroom because it was the cleanest one around. I mean, why pretend? Did I feel sheepish the first 4-5 times? Yes, I did a little. By the 5th-6th time, I had gotten over the sheepishness as well.

Apparently, according to TQ, I also started recommending it to others who were distraught at the restroom situation on campus. She says I was only too glad to offer advice - "Oh, you should go to the Central Reference Library! It's quite nice!"

There is a veil, past which you will perhaps never see

Having a woman sit before you, hearing her pour her heart out- speaking after a long period of silent desperation, and watching her break into a smile as she continues to cry is truly one of the purest, and most beautiful things I have ever seen. And one of the clearest things I have ever felt.